Regaining strength

Madeleine’s Blog 

September 30, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

What a difference a few days makes! 

Earlier this week, Madeleine left the hospital needing to wear a mask whenever she was around other people. But already by Thursday morning, blood test results showed that her white counts were out of the danger zone and she could once again take off the mask and breathe free!

Madeleine is slowly gaining strength, and even managed to go for a short shopping trip to Costco with her mom. Now, I know that going to Costco may not sound like a big accomplishment to most people...and it would have felt like "nothing" to Madeleine before. But chemo affects you so that you are very easily exhausted, and even small amounts of exertion can wipe you out. So, we're hoping that she soon has the stamina for more lengthy, and exciting, adventures. For now though, just being able to go to Costco is something to be thankful for! 

While she's recuperating from the latest round of biochemo, Madeleine is working on creating a swim conditioning class (at Montecito Racquet & Swim Club) that will help swimmers be able to stay in shape during the off season. Swimming is something that she really has a passion for, so it is fun to be able to focus her energy in that direction. 

So, Madeleine will be working on regaining strength and stamina in the weeks to come. In the meantime, we are all continuing to pray that the treatment would be effective in helping "turn the tide" in her fight against this cancer. 

Bonds that carry you through

Madeleine’s Blog 

September 25, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Looking amazingly well for all she's been through

We have just now checked out of the hospital, and tomorrow we head for home! Results from this morning’s labs show that Madeleine is neutropenic (low white count = increased chance of infection), so we have donned our masks once again.

Don't let the adjacent picture fool you! The last few days have been difficult and have definitely taken Madeleine to the edge of her endurance. In challenging times like these, there are bonds formed that help to carry you through.

There is a special kind of bond formed with those who face similar battles…

Sal and his wife, Kristi

Yesterday, Sal & his wife came over from across the hall for a visit (he is in the midst of a difficult battle with leukemia, and we met him here during our first visit). He and his wife sat in our room and talked about some of the ups & downs that come with a difficult diagnosis. How sometimes people don’t understand how sick you really are because you may look pretty good on the outside…or how chemo can sometimes fog your brain so that it is difficult to think clearly or process things quickly. We laughed together about hospital life and how it can seem like a prison where you are chained to your IV pole and where you are encouraged to go exercise in “the yard” (don’t go beyond the prescribed area!) for a few minutes before retreating back to your “cell.” His wife – who has enough to worry about with raising their young family - is thoughtful enough to bring us special treats from Panera bakery and is always concerned with how Madeleine is doing. This is just one of the bonds that is helping us in this battle.

Amanda

Then there is our fellow-melanoma-warrior friend, Amanda, who is also currently undergoing biochemo and is one of Madeleine’s biggest cheerleaders on facebook, through email, or even via her own blog. Like few people we know, she really understands what Madeleine is experiencing – from the inside. She and Madeleine have been an encouragement to each other even though their in-hospital treatment time didn’t overlap this time. “Tell the nurses to let you have one of my favorite popsicles – I left a box of them in the freezer there with my name on them,” or, “You can do it, kiddo!” This is another one of the bonds that is helping us in this battle.

There are also invisible bonds that have formed with those who are praying – some with people we know; some with those we have never met. These are the bonds that no one really knows about – they are unseen by others, but just as important. It has been so apparent during this visit how in need of God’s grace we are – just to make it through. These bonds are the invisible threads that hold us up.

Finally, there are the bonds that have always been there, but are now being strengthened. There are old friends from days past who are sending encouragement. There are many other friends who have gone above and beyond to help support us during this time. 

But I want to mention something as an observer that I see. I see a beautiful bond between parent and child being more deeply formed and strengthened in the midst of this difficult season. Often this kind of bond isn’t what you see between parents and children who are on the brink of turning eighteen. But adversity has a way of shaking us up so that we can see what is really important in life. These are the bonds that are deeply there, but are so easy to take for granted when life is going smoothly.

We are really grateful for all the different kinds of bonds that hold us up and keep us going during this season. Madeleine is really looking forward to going home. We plan to drive back tomorrow, and then she’ll work on recovering between now and our next trip down for biochemo on October 10th. As always, please keep her in your prayers.

Endurance!

Madeleine’s Blog

September 23, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

David & Madeleine

Thanks everyone for your prayers, comments, and encouragements. Madeleine has read your comments, and has received many texts, emails, facebook communications, etc., and each boost of support has helped to lift her spirits and keep her going in this battle. Keep it coming!

Madeleine has made it through the first 2 days of treatment, and is starting the next. Her first night was pretty rough (fever, shakes, nausea, very little sleep), which is not unusual for the first day of treatment. It was so good to have her dad by her side this time (along with her mom), and that was a real  encouragement for her. Here are the two of them (along with her ever-present rolling IV-pole) as they were out walking the halls.

I just received word from Deanne that last night went much, much better! Her fever stayed under control, and they were able to get a great night's sleep (well, as great as you can get with all the required interruptions for monitoring). Having good sleep makes a huge difference in this battle!

We have received some very encouraging emails from so many of you during this time. There are many, many people praying, and even a whole set of people who have volunteered to take an hour on a particular day of this treatment week and pray. Wow! I am astounded to hear of this kind of support - it brings tears to my eyes to see Madeleine fighting so hard and to hear about your prayers, and see your encouraging notes. It makes all the difference.

"Your courage inspires us daily"

On a more humorous note, we received one email that really brought a smile to my face. It read:
"Dear Madeleine,
Each morning we pray for your continued strength and courage." Then it went on to say how at their house now, whenever someone has to do something difficult (that they don't want to do) they have started encouraging each other with the words, "Madeleine Up" instead of "Man Up"! I am still laughing about that one. Their note ends by saying, "Your courage inspires us daily."

Thanks again for all your encouragement during this round. :)

Heading into the battle again!

Madeleine’s Blog

September 20, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Thank you to all who are being such an encouragement, and thank you for your prayers - let's keep it going!

I am going to keep adding details to this same post as they come in - the most recent updates will be at the top of the post.

9/20/12 pm: Madeleine is so excited after her appointment with Dr. G - This time she will not have to take the chemo pills that have given her so much trouble in the past! Instead, she will get to have the same medication...except it will be given through her central line instead. What a difference this will make. :)
She has now made it through having her central line put in, and is heading back to her hospital room. Thanks for the prayers!

Waiting at Starbucks

9/20/12 am: Madeleine and her mom & dad flew down to Riverside last night and had a good night's rest. This morning there will be blood work and then an appointment at 11 am with the oncologist, Dr. Gailani. Here is a pic of Madeleine and her mom waiting at Starbucks this morning.

9/19/12: Encouragement written by Amanda on her own blog (she is the fellow melanoma and biochemo friend that we met the last time we were down in Riverside):

Attention prayer warriors!! My beautiful friend Madeleine is heading back into battle tomorrow (round 5). Please pray for a good week, no side effects & awesome results. She's truly an inspiration to me as a fellow fighter. Please keep her in your prayers (she's a believer in the Master Healer, as I am). Good night world & sleep in peace, Madeleine.  (from Amanda)

Prayer & encouragement

Madeleine’s Blog

September 17, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

The treatment decision has been made: Madeleine will continue doing Biochemo down at Riverside, and will be heading there this Wednesday (the 19th) for another week of treatment.

You can do it!

Was this an easy decision? No, actually not. We looked briefly at another treatment option closer to home (which was tempting), but then decided that - for now - it is still best to continue the Biochemo. It actually took a lot of courage to choose to go back and face something that is so intense, and so far from home. It was Madeleine's decision, and she chose to once again step up and face the challenge ahead - we are really proud of her.

Need prayer: To help Madeleine get through this next round of treatment, we are asking people to pray specifically for her endurance during her next treatment on Sept. 20-25, as well as that the treatment would "turn the tide" against this cancer. (If you would like to be part of a group of people who are praying for her with more specific focus, please email me (Zan) at thedanfordbontacoalition@gmail.com, put the word "prayer" in the subject line, and I will connect with you in that way.)

Need encouragement: If you have time to write Madeleine a quick sentence or two of encouragement, then that would really lift her spirits and help her in this fight. What you say doesn't need to be long or fancy - just knowing you are behind her cheering her on is the important thing. Encouragement is such a need while she is away from home having this round-the-clock treatment. Here are some ways you can get a message to her:

• Leave comments right on this blog (click on the "comments" area at the bottom of any post, type a message in the box, and publish. No special sign-in needed: you can choose "anonymous" and identify yourself however you choose in your message)
• Send an email to her through this blog: thedanfordbontacoalition@gmail.com and I will get it to her
• Send a message to her via facebook, personal email, or text if you are already connected to her in that way

 Thanks in advance for your support. Let's keep the encouragement coming!

To be better again

Madeleine’s Blog

September 12, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

We got word of the scan results this afternoon. There is definite good news - there are no new lesions anywhere, and the liver lesion has not grown (we are so thankful for this news!). On the other hand, there are two lymph nodes that appear to have grown some since the last scan (and the liver lesion is still present). This means that the battle is still fully on!

Shortly after getting the results, Madeleine wrote the following poem to express some of what she was feeling in the moment:

To be better again

Always trying to break me down

Yet you will hardly find me with a frown

Battling and fighting every day

"To be better again" is what I pray

Flooded with the emotions I face

Each obstacle I learn to embrace

Only making me stronger

As the journey continues on - even longer

There is no pretending

It feels like it is never-ending

Constantly pulling me at my seams

Trying to destroy my hopes & dreams

Being a doctor and a wife

Keeping me fighting for my life

This journey has many things I never knew

Things I never imagined I could go through

I know my life is in the hands of God

So I listen to the doctors & just nod

Angry that the results weren't what I wanted to hear

Hoping the battle's end was coming near

I take a deep breath and sigh

Keep asking myself why

Then I remember this is cancer

And there is never a straight-forward answer

So then I raise my head high

And remind myself there's no need to cry

Some day I will be living the life of my dreams

And cancer will no longer be tearing me at my seams

I will be a doctor and a wife

And I will have so much meaning for my life

But for now I will take it day by day

And "to be better again" I will once more pray

"Thanks to everyone who continues to give me strength, support, encouragement, smiles, laughs, and hugs! I couldn't make it without all of you. Finding out my next treatment tomorrow." -- Madeleine

A fun gift

Madeleine’s Blog

September 11, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

I know we are all waiting to hear the news on Madeleine's latest PET scan, but I just have to post this because I am laughing so hard. Madeleine just sent me a text letting me know that she just received a package in the mail from the Cheesecake Factory, of all places.

To one of their biggest fans!

Here is what Madeleine texted, and the picture that she sent with it:

"This is when you know you've been to the cheesecake factory too many times. I received this in the mail today from The Cheesecake factory because they heard I ate there a lot during treatment, and they wished me the best of luck."

Thanks to whoever was responsible for that - you made our day!

In the meantime, we are still waiting for the scan results - but it sure is good to laugh. Thank you all for your prayers and support!

A different path

Madeleine’s Blog

September 5, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Encouragement in this journey can come in a lot of different forms, and from a variety of sources. Previously, I've mentioned some of the many encouragements we've experienced from others - meals, fundraisers, gifts, cards, and more - but I want to mention a different type of encouragement that happened recently.

"So happy for each and every day"

One of the difficult things about being a new high school grad with lots of ambition (and a cancer diagnosis) is to have to put your life "on hold" while going through chemo. From one week to the next, you can't really predict how you're going to feel or even what the treatment will look like. Watching all your friends go off to college, while having to cancel your own classes (again), can be a little difficult.

In the midst of all this, Madeleine had a discussion with one of her former teachers from Montgomery High School. His suggestion? Why not register for online university classes with BYU - where (unlike other options she had been considering) you have a whole year to do the work, there is full accreditation, and the cost is reasonable. His other suggestion? Since she loves working with children (but her doctor said that she needs to pretty much avoid being around kids because of the risk of infection)...why not look into opportunities to go and work with kids who also have cancer?

Here is Madeleine's Facebook post after her discussion with him:

So happy right now, finally going to start taking a class, and working on finding a way to visit sick kids with cancer. Feels great to have some things to look forward to!

So, she has registered now and is waiting for her books to come in so that she can get started on her first class. Of course, if you know Madeleine, you know that she would love to register for several classes...but she is holding back and registering for just one right now. If she feels great and can get it done early, then she can always sign up for more.

Encouragement doesn't always come in material form - sometimes it comes from people with ideas that help us to find a way around the things that seem to be immovable obstacles in our lives.