Merry Christmas!

Madeleine’s Blog

December 25, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

From Madeleine:   

Merry Christmas!!

I am so blessed to be able to enjoy the holidays with such wonderful supportive loving people. I am so thankful for all I have been given and to be feeling well on Christmas.

Have a great day everyone! ♥


(Picture from Christmas Eve: Madeleine with her family, her cousin Katherine, and with Austin)

Radiation completed

Madeleine’s Blog

December 22, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Austin & Madeleine at the infusion center

Madeleine made it through this marathon week of daily radiation, as well as her Yervoy infusion that was on Friday. So glad to have that behind her!

This time, Austin was here in town and was able to go with her to the infusion - it was so nice to have his encouragement, support, and company! :)

Now, Madeleine's looking forward to Christmas and is so glad to have some more time off of treatment between now and her scans that come on January 4th.

Please continue to keep her in your prayers ~ and have a wonderful Christmas, everyone!

Yervoy + radiation

Madeleine’s Blog

December 14, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

It has been 2 weeks since Madeleine's first infusion of Yervoy, and I'm happy to report that so far she has not experienced the negative side effects - which is such a blessing! She has been able to enjoy life and all the usual activities of this season. It is so great to feel good.

Radiation mask before it dries

This time, however, has not been without its challenges. Because of a slowly enlarging lymph node, Madeleine has to go in to have more radiation targeted to that area.

On Monday, we went to the radiologist and she was fitted for a new custom radiation mask. (To do that, they stretch the form tightly over you, and then dry it until it hardens into a rigid mask that will hold you in the right position for the precisely-targeted radiation.) To be honest, this process was no fun for Madeleine because of the pressure it put on her lymph nodes, but she made it through.

So, the radiation is planned to begin on December 18th, and then her next infusion of Yervoy will be on December 21st. We are hoping that the radiation will give her some relief from the growing lymph node, as well as to work synergistically with the Yervoy against her melanoma.

Enjoying this season! (from November)

As we mentioned before, Yervoy works by taking the "brakes" off of your immune system, helping your body to recognize the melanoma as being "foreign" so that it will attack it instead of letting it grow. Because of this, it usually takes time for it to work (weeks or even months) and to get your immune system revved up enough to effectively go after the melanoma. So, we are waiting and praying in the meantime.

Madeleine's next PET scan is scheduled for January 4th. Between now and then, she's looking forward to being with friends who will be home from college and elsewhere, and she's also really looking forward to enjoying this Christmas time.

As always, thanks so much for keeping her in your prayers and for your encouragement during this time.

And the decision is...

Madeleine’s Blog

November 30, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Decisions...

The decision has finally been made, and the recommendation is for Madeleine to start on a drug called ipilimumab - which is also known as "Yervoy" (much easier to spell and to say!).

With the help of her local oncologist, and consultation with the melanoma specialists at UCSF, it was decided that this would be the best option for Madeleine right now. (Their recommendation had been to check into getting into a promising clinical trial with a new drug known as anti PD-1, but there aren't any openings available at this time.)

So, Madeleine starts this afternoon receiving her first infusion of Yervoy. She's relieved that this can be done right here at Kaiser... that it is just an IV infusion (no central line - yay!)... and that the infusion lasts only 90 minutes. Also, she only has to have one of these treatments every three weeks.

Yervoy is a drug that works by "taking the brakes off" your immune system so that that it can recognize and destroy the cancer cells. This process can take some time to work, and it can also result in some significant side effects in a percentage of patients. But the drug was approved last year because of its demonstrated effect on patients with melanoma that has spread, and we are hoping and praying that this drug will also be effective in Madeleine's case.

We have been praying that the treatment choices would be clear, and that we would know which path to choose -- so we are really thankful for the clear consensus from her oncologists. They are also currently considering an additional option that may enhance the effect of the Yervoy as well.

Please join us in praying that this treatment will be effective in fighting this cancer, that her body's own immune system would be mobilized to fight, and that Madeleine would be protected from any serious side effects.

Thank you so much for your encouragement and prayers. We'll keep you posted!

Thankful

Madeleine’s Blog

November 22, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

From Madeleine:

There are many things to be thankful for in this life we are given. 

Being diagnosed with cancer has made me realize what is important and what truly matters in life...

I am so thankful for my family and friends. 

I am thankful for the doctors and the treatments that I have been given. 

I am thankful for anyone who has been there encouraging and supporting me during these past 10 months. 

Most of all I am thankful that I am alive! 

♥ Happy thanksgiving!

The joys of freedom...then back to the fight

Madeleine’s Blog

November 20, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

It has been a little bit since I updated things...but I want to let you know that Madeleine has been having fun taking a break from the cancer treatments that have been such a part of her life for these past months. It has been so much fun ignoring melanoma!

One thing about this diagnosis is true: It really does give you an enhanced appreciation for the joys of life. Enjoying family, friends, snow, the freedom to travel, the joy of feeling good again - all of these things have been a part of her life during these past weeks.

Madeleine had her PET scan on November 9th, and then took off for the cabin at Mt. Lassen that afternoon. Up at Lassen, she enjoyed hiking through the snow searching for the "perfect" Christmas tree to bring home (an annual tradition), and she had lots of fun with extended family and her younger cousins. 

Shortly after coming home from Lassen, Madeleine took off on a road trip to see several of her friends who have gone away to college. She drove down to Southern California, taking the 101 freeway to enjoy the coastline, and stopping along the way to see friends as she went. She had fun dressing up and going to the "Marine Ball" with Austin, and then she spent two days at Disneyland going on all her favorite rides. 

With Austin at the Marine Ball

Madeleine drove back to Santa Rosa on Sunday, so excited from all her adventures and so refreshed. It was hard for her to hear the news that night that her latest scans showed some small growth in the melanoma in her liver (as well as the lymph node that she already knew about). Having just come off the high of her fun adventures, it was really hard to face that reality again.

The next day (yesterday), we went down to UCSF and met with the melanoma specialist there to see what options are available for the next stage of her treatment. There were several options discussed, and one involved the possibility of getting a spot in a clinical trial that has been shown to be very promising. (This is actually better than it may sound like at first because so many advances are being made in melanoma treatment right now, and sometimes the best treatment medications are still making their way through the clinical trial process, which can take several years.) The other option is something called Yervoy, which has also shown good results. So, we are in the process of getting Madeleine's complete records to UCSF to see if she would qualify to be placed in the trial. No matter which treatment she decides on, it looks like the next course of treatment will be a few weeks off at least. The clinical trial (if approved) would be done at UCSF and the side effects appear to be milder than some of the other options available. 

We would appreciate your prayers that the best treatment option for Madeleine would be revealed (whether it is the trial drug or something else), and that she would be protected and healed from this cancer. Thank you everyone for your concern and support.

Enjoying a break

Madeleine’s Blog

November 4, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Pumpkin farm with her mom

Life since the last round of biochemo has been good -- especially since Madeleine has been gaining strength as the days go by. 

One thing about going through intensive chemo... It gives you new appreciation for the simple, everyday parts of life that most of us take for granted. Madeleine has been enjoying being with family and friends, and she has some plans to look forward to in the weeks ahead as well.

Tomorrow, she begins teaching a swim conditioning class at her gym that is for off-season swim competitors. This is something that she has a real passion for, and she's looking forward to working with high school swimmers from this area. 

Riding a friend's horse today

Then, on Friday, November 9th, she will have her next PET scan to determine how things are responding to the chemo. Please keep her in your prayers during this week, and especially next week as the results come in and the doctors determine what the next step will be. She has a lymph node that they are planning on treating, but are waiting for the results of the scan before making that decision.


Right after the scan is taken, she will head up to the cabin at Lassen again to spend time with extended family, and for the annual tradition of bringing home the family Christmas tree. Shortly after she returns from Lassen, Madeleine will go down to southern California to be with friends (and she's so happy to be heading to SoCal without having to do chemo this time!).

We are all grateful for this break from treatment and for the chance to enjoy life, friends, and family. As always, thank you for your prayers and encouragement.
  

With her brother (Max)

Swim conditioning class

 

A little post-chemo shopping

Madeleine’s Blog

October 21, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

How do you go shopping when you love to shop...but you're extremely exhausted from all the taxing rounds of chemo? 

How do you adjust to the current reality that means you're easily winded from taking even a few steps (when you're used to walking, running, and swimming with energy to spare)?

Well, you just find another way around. 

Costco shopping in style!

Yesterday, Madeleine managed some back-to-back shopping at Costco, Target, and Best Buy ~ but she did have a little help. 

All she needed was a Costco-provided mobility scooter, and a little bit of...

Swallowing her pride...

Climbing aboard...

Finding the right place to sit so the seat would register enough weight to allow the motor to engage (hard to do when you have lost so many pounds from chemo...and you weren't heavy to begin with!)...

Ignoring all the funny looks and whispered comments...

and then it was off for a day of shopping with her mom! 

Thanks to Costco & Target for providing the mobility scooters, and to Best Buy for providing the wheelchair that enabled her to cruise around and explore the store. :)

Happy 18th ~ home again!

Madeleine’s Blog

October 18, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

We made it home on Madeleine's birthday yesterday (after a long drive), and walked into a house full of balloons, decorations, stacks of cards, and flowers. Thanks everyone for the encouragement & support!

Getting ready to leave Riverside the morning of her birthday...

Arriving in Santa Rosa eight hours later - tired, but so happy to be back home again!






Now, it's time to rest up and gain strength again. Madeleine's next PET scan will be on November 9th, with results coming a few days later. Thank you for your prayers in the meantime!

Saying goodbye to Riverside

Madeleine’s Blog

October 16, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Dr. Gailani with Madeleine

Madeleine has just achieved a very important milestone: she has made it through six rounds of bio-chemo, which is quite an accomplishment! As she finished up the last of her infusions today, it was also time to say some thank you's and good bye's to many of the people here at Kaiser who have helped make her treatment time a little more bearable. 

There are many people who I could name - the tech who always accompanied Madeleine for her central line; the special social worker who developed a relationship with Madeleine over the weeks and stopped by today with some chocolate muffins for her; the patient care assistant who helped meet our practical needs (and who would even bring by hot towels in the morning for our comfort); many nurses who stand out as being exceptional in their caring and their skill;  our favorite nurse - who drove over to see Madeleine last night (on her own time) in order to say good bye; and I honestly could go on and on. There really are so many people who have been helpful that there is no good way to list them all without leaving someone out. If you have to have difficult treatment like this, then it really helps to have some quality people around to help you through. 

Of course, there is also so much we could say about Dr. Gailani. He has the perfect combination of expertise, sincere care, dedication, and a sense of humor that has kept us laughing even with everything that is being faced. We are really grateful that he has been here to help us make it through all of this.

Madeleine's Facebook post from tonight really sums it all up:

During these past five months, I've been through six rounds of bio-chemo treatments. That's 42 days in the hospital (24 hours a day), 30 days of treatment, 6 central-line placements, one too many pills to count, shots to my stomach, lots of tears, and WAY too much nausea.

It still hasn't hit me that I have managed to stumble, trip, and climb my way over this hurdle. Although this is not the end of the journey, I am so glad I will finally get a break!

I owe so much to my doctor, nurses, parents, aunt, and friends who have helped me during these 5 horrific months.♥

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

Last round - update

Madeleine’s Blog

October 15, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Madeleine has made made it through day #3 - it hasn't been easy, but at least she's on the home stretch! Her oncologist (Dr. Gailani) has been working with her and adjusting some of the medications in order to help make it more bearable. It is still difficult, but at least the medications that have been giving her the most trouble have been adjusted. 

She needs to make it through today and tomorrow, and then...

 Wednesday will be her eighteenth birthday!!!

We will be making the 8-hour drive home that day (which won't be the type of thing most people look forward to on a special birthday), but just getting to be at home will be something to celebrate.

Keep praying for endurance, and grace to make it through. Her fellow melanoma-fighter friend, Amanda, is also here (just a couple rooms away) and is also in the midst of her own battle fighting through this treatment. We are praying for her and her family as well.

Biochemo - final round!

Madeleine’s Blog 

October 11, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Reluctantly leaving for Riverside  :)

Madeleine and her folks flew down to Riverside last night, and she is now checked into the hospital and gearing up for this next round to start. Tomorrow morning, she'll get her central line put in early, and then treatment will begin. At her appointment with Dr. Gailani today, they decided that this would be the last Biochemo treatment - which is a relief! She'll have another PET scan in early November, and those results will help determine where to go from here.

Please keep Madeleine in your prayers over these next days - especially between now and Tuesday afternoon. As I've mentioned before, this treatment is quite grueling. It takes endurance and guts, as well as lots of prayer, just to keep hanging in there. 

We are really grateful for your prayers and all your encouraging posts - thank you everyone!

Fight on!

Madeleine’s Blog 

October 3, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Madeleine gets a little support from her brother, Max...

My sister's a cancer fighter - Fight on!

Regaining strength

Madeleine’s Blog 

September 30, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

What a difference a few days makes! 

Earlier this week, Madeleine left the hospital needing to wear a mask whenever she was around other people. But already by Thursday morning, blood test results showed that her white counts were out of the danger zone and she could once again take off the mask and breathe free!

Madeleine is slowly gaining strength, and even managed to go for a short shopping trip to Costco with her mom. Now, I know that going to Costco may not sound like a big accomplishment to most people...and it would have felt like "nothing" to Madeleine before. But chemo affects you so that you are very easily exhausted, and even small amounts of exertion can wipe you out. So, we're hoping that she soon has the stamina for more lengthy, and exciting, adventures. For now though, just being able to go to Costco is something to be thankful for! 

While she's recuperating from the latest round of biochemo, Madeleine is working on creating a swim conditioning class (at Montecito Racquet & Swim Club) that will help swimmers be able to stay in shape during the off season. Swimming is something that she really has a passion for, so it is fun to be able to focus her energy in that direction. 

So, Madeleine will be working on regaining strength and stamina in the weeks to come. In the meantime, we are all continuing to pray that the treatment would be effective in helping "turn the tide" in her fight against this cancer. 

Bonds that carry you through

Madeleine’s Blog 

September 25, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Looking amazingly well for all she's been through

We have just now checked out of the hospital, and tomorrow we head for home! Results from this morning’s labs show that Madeleine is neutropenic (low white count = increased chance of infection), so we have donned our masks once again.

Don't let the adjacent picture fool you! The last few days have been difficult and have definitely taken Madeleine to the edge of her endurance. In challenging times like these, there are bonds formed that help to carry you through.

There is a special kind of bond formed with those who face similar battles…

Sal and his wife, Kristi

Yesterday, Sal & his wife came over from across the hall for a visit (he is in the midst of a difficult battle with leukemia, and we met him here during our first visit). He and his wife sat in our room and talked about some of the ups & downs that come with a difficult diagnosis. How sometimes people don’t understand how sick you really are because you may look pretty good on the outside…or how chemo can sometimes fog your brain so that it is difficult to think clearly or process things quickly. We laughed together about hospital life and how it can seem like a prison where you are chained to your IV pole and where you are encouraged to go exercise in “the yard” (don’t go beyond the prescribed area!) for a few minutes before retreating back to your “cell.” His wife – who has enough to worry about with raising their young family - is thoughtful enough to bring us special treats from Panera bakery and is always concerned with how Madeleine is doing. This is just one of the bonds that is helping us in this battle.

Amanda

Then there is our fellow-melanoma-warrior friend, Amanda, who is also currently undergoing biochemo and is one of Madeleine’s biggest cheerleaders on facebook, through email, or even via her own blog. Like few people we know, she really understands what Madeleine is experiencing – from the inside. She and Madeleine have been an encouragement to each other even though their in-hospital treatment time didn’t overlap this time. “Tell the nurses to let you have one of my favorite popsicles – I left a box of them in the freezer there with my name on them,” or, “You can do it, kiddo!” This is another one of the bonds that is helping us in this battle.

There are also invisible bonds that have formed with those who are praying – some with people we know; some with those we have never met. These are the bonds that no one really knows about – they are unseen by others, but just as important. It has been so apparent during this visit how in need of God’s grace we are – just to make it through. These bonds are the invisible threads that hold us up.

Finally, there are the bonds that have always been there, but are now being strengthened. There are old friends from days past who are sending encouragement. There are many other friends who have gone above and beyond to help support us during this time. 

But I want to mention something as an observer that I see. I see a beautiful bond between parent and child being more deeply formed and strengthened in the midst of this difficult season. Often this kind of bond isn’t what you see between parents and children who are on the brink of turning eighteen. But adversity has a way of shaking us up so that we can see what is really important in life. These are the bonds that are deeply there, but are so easy to take for granted when life is going smoothly.

We are really grateful for all the different kinds of bonds that hold us up and keep us going during this season. Madeleine is really looking forward to going home. We plan to drive back tomorrow, and then she’ll work on recovering between now and our next trip down for biochemo on October 10th. As always, please keep her in your prayers.

Endurance!

Madeleine’s Blog

September 23, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

David & Madeleine

Thanks everyone for your prayers, comments, and encouragements. Madeleine has read your comments, and has received many texts, emails, facebook communications, etc., and each boost of support has helped to lift her spirits and keep her going in this battle. Keep it coming!

Madeleine has made it through the first 2 days of treatment, and is starting the next. Her first night was pretty rough (fever, shakes, nausea, very little sleep), which is not unusual for the first day of treatment. It was so good to have her dad by her side this time (along with her mom), and that was a real  encouragement for her. Here are the two of them (along with her ever-present rolling IV-pole) as they were out walking the halls.

I just received word from Deanne that last night went much, much better! Her fever stayed under control, and they were able to get a great night's sleep (well, as great as you can get with all the required interruptions for monitoring). Having good sleep makes a huge difference in this battle!

We have received some very encouraging emails from so many of you during this time. There are many, many people praying, and even a whole set of people who have volunteered to take an hour on a particular day of this treatment week and pray. Wow! I am astounded to hear of this kind of support - it brings tears to my eyes to see Madeleine fighting so hard and to hear about your prayers, and see your encouraging notes. It makes all the difference.

"Your courage inspires us daily"

On a more humorous note, we received one email that really brought a smile to my face. It read:
"Dear Madeleine,
Each morning we pray for your continued strength and courage." Then it went on to say how at their house now, whenever someone has to do something difficult (that they don't want to do) they have started encouraging each other with the words, "Madeleine Up" instead of "Man Up"! I am still laughing about that one. Their note ends by saying, "Your courage inspires us daily."

Thanks again for all your encouragement during this round. :)

Heading into the battle again!

Madeleine’s Blog

September 20, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Thank you to all who are being such an encouragement, and thank you for your prayers - let's keep it going!

I am going to keep adding details to this same post as they come in - the most recent updates will be at the top of the post.

9/20/12 pm: Madeleine is so excited after her appointment with Dr. G - This time she will not have to take the chemo pills that have given her so much trouble in the past! Instead, she will get to have the same medication...except it will be given through her central line instead. What a difference this will make. :)
She has now made it through having her central line put in, and is heading back to her hospital room. Thanks for the prayers!

Waiting at Starbucks

9/20/12 am: Madeleine and her mom & dad flew down to Riverside last night and had a good night's rest. This morning there will be blood work and then an appointment at 11 am with the oncologist, Dr. Gailani. Here is a pic of Madeleine and her mom waiting at Starbucks this morning.

9/19/12: Encouragement written by Amanda on her own blog (she is the fellow melanoma and biochemo friend that we met the last time we were down in Riverside):

Attention prayer warriors!! My beautiful friend Madeleine is heading back into battle tomorrow (round 5). Please pray for a good week, no side effects & awesome results. She's truly an inspiration to me as a fellow fighter. Please keep her in your prayers (she's a believer in the Master Healer, as I am). Good night world & sleep in peace, Madeleine.  (from Amanda)

Prayer & encouragement

Madeleine’s Blog

September 17, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

The treatment decision has been made: Madeleine will continue doing Biochemo down at Riverside, and will be heading there this Wednesday (the 19th) for another week of treatment.

You can do it!

Was this an easy decision? No, actually not. We looked briefly at another treatment option closer to home (which was tempting), but then decided that - for now - it is still best to continue the Biochemo. It actually took a lot of courage to choose to go back and face something that is so intense, and so far from home. It was Madeleine's decision, and she chose to once again step up and face the challenge ahead - we are really proud of her.

Need prayer: To help Madeleine get through this next round of treatment, we are asking people to pray specifically for her endurance during her next treatment on Sept. 20-25, as well as that the treatment would "turn the tide" against this cancer. (If you would like to be part of a group of people who are praying for her with more specific focus, please email me (Zan) at thedanfordbontacoalition@gmail.com, put the word "prayer" in the subject line, and I will connect with you in that way.)

Need encouragement: If you have time to write Madeleine a quick sentence or two of encouragement, then that would really lift her spirits and help her in this fight. What you say doesn't need to be long or fancy - just knowing you are behind her cheering her on is the important thing. Encouragement is such a need while she is away from home having this round-the-clock treatment. Here are some ways you can get a message to her:

• Leave comments right on this blog (click on the "comments" area at the bottom of any post, type a message in the box, and publish. No special sign-in needed: you can choose "anonymous" and identify yourself however you choose in your message)
• Send an email to her through this blog: thedanfordbontacoalition@gmail.com and I will get it to her
• Send a message to her via facebook, personal email, or text if you are already connected to her in that way

 Thanks in advance for your support. Let's keep the encouragement coming!

To be better again

Madeleine’s Blog

September 12, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

We got word of the scan results this afternoon. There is definite good news - there are no new lesions anywhere, and the liver lesion has not grown (we are so thankful for this news!). On the other hand, there are two lymph nodes that appear to have grown some since the last scan (and the liver lesion is still present). This means that the battle is still fully on!

Shortly after getting the results, Madeleine wrote the following poem to express some of what she was feeling in the moment:

To be better again

Always trying to break me down

Yet you will hardly find me with a frown

Battling and fighting every day

"To be better again" is what I pray

Flooded with the emotions I face

Each obstacle I learn to embrace

Only making me stronger

As the journey continues on - even longer

There is no pretending

It feels like it is never-ending

Constantly pulling me at my seams

Trying to destroy my hopes & dreams

Being a doctor and a wife

Keeping me fighting for my life

This journey has many things I never knew

Things I never imagined I could go through

I know my life is in the hands of God

So I listen to the doctors & just nod

Angry that the results weren't what I wanted to hear

Hoping the battle's end was coming near

I take a deep breath and sigh

Keep asking myself why

Then I remember this is cancer

And there is never a straight-forward answer

So then I raise my head high

And remind myself there's no need to cry

Some day I will be living the life of my dreams

And cancer will no longer be tearing me at my seams

I will be a doctor and a wife

And I will have so much meaning for my life

But for now I will take it day by day

And "to be better again" I will once more pray

"Thanks to everyone who continues to give me strength, support, encouragement, smiles, laughs, and hugs! I couldn't make it without all of you. Finding out my next treatment tomorrow." -- Madeleine

A fun gift

Madeleine’s Blog

September 11, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

I know we are all waiting to hear the news on Madeleine's latest PET scan, but I just have to post this because I am laughing so hard. Madeleine just sent me a text letting me know that she just received a package in the mail from the Cheesecake Factory, of all places.

To one of their biggest fans!

Here is what Madeleine texted, and the picture that she sent with it:

"This is when you know you've been to the cheesecake factory too many times. I received this in the mail today from The Cheesecake factory because they heard I ate there a lot during treatment, and they wished me the best of luck."

Thanks to whoever was responsible for that - you made our day!

In the meantime, we are still waiting for the scan results - but it sure is good to laugh. Thank you all for your prayers and support!

A different path

Madeleine’s Blog

September 5, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Encouragement in this journey can come in a lot of different forms, and from a variety of sources. Previously, I've mentioned some of the many encouragements we've experienced from others - meals, fundraisers, gifts, cards, and more - but I want to mention a different type of encouragement that happened recently.

"So happy for each and every day"

One of the difficult things about being a new high school grad with lots of ambition (and a cancer diagnosis) is to have to put your life "on hold" while going through chemo. From one week to the next, you can't really predict how you're going to feel or even what the treatment will look like. Watching all your friends go off to college, while having to cancel your own classes (again), can be a little difficult.

In the midst of all this, Madeleine had a discussion with one of her former teachers from Montgomery High School. His suggestion? Why not register for online university classes with BYU - where (unlike other options she had been considering) you have a whole year to do the work, there is full accreditation, and the cost is reasonable. His other suggestion? Since she loves working with children (but her doctor said that she needs to pretty much avoid being around kids because of the risk of infection)...why not look into opportunities to go and work with kids who also have cancer?

Here is Madeleine's Facebook post after her discussion with him:

So happy right now, finally going to start taking a class, and working on finding a way to visit sick kids with cancer. Feels great to have some things to look forward to!

So, she has registered now and is waiting for her books to come in so that she can get started on her first class. Of course, if you know Madeleine, you know that she would love to register for several classes...but she is holding back and registering for just one right now. If she feels great and can get it done early, then she can always sign up for more.

Encouragement doesn't always come in material form - sometimes it comes from people with ideas that help us to find a way around the things that seem to be immovable obstacles in our lives.

Masks off :)

Madeleine’s Blog

August 28, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

It is so nice to be home! We drove home Sunday, and because of Madeleine's low white counts, we all got to experience wearing surgical masks (to keep her protected from germs). When we were out in public (at the hotel or stopping to get something to eat), the best way to protect Madeleine was for her to be the one to wear a mask. It was quite an interesting experience to watch people take a second look and then try to avoid her! When we were alone with her in the car or hotel room, then we would be the ones to wear the masks so that she could be able to enjoy breathing freely since it isn't very comfortable breathing stuffy air inside a mask. 

Let's just say that we all breathed a sigh of relief when her Monday morning blood tests showed that her white counts were already good again! So...off with the masks, and on to enjoying her family, friends, and pets (the pets hadn't been cooperating too well with the mask-wearing rule...). She still has to avoid being around anyone who is sick, but being able to relax a little really helps.

Now Madeleine will just be working on recovering, and then her next PET scan is scheduled for September 7th. The outcome of that scan will determine what she does from here (more of the same treatment? a different treatment? a break from treatment?). So, we would really appreciate your continued prayers that this treatment would really be effective on her cancer, and that she would continue to gain strength as she recovers from this latest round of treatment.

Bio-chemo: Orchids & Onions

Madeleine’s Blog

August 26, 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

As we finish up this fourth session and head back to Santa Rosa, I'd like to give you a little window into some of the ups & downs that Madeleine has faced during her Bio-chemo treatment. She has been amazing in her ability to put up with the challenges, even though it has been quite difficult at times. Here are some of the things she has been experiencing (in an "orchids" and "onions" format):

Onions to... daily 4 am wake-up calls for mandatory blood draws and weight checks, as well as nightly monitoring - every two hours. Yawn :)

Orchids to... our favorite night nurses - who carefully tip-toe, use a flashlight, and try to efficiently organize their visits in order to bring the least interruption of your sleep!

Onions to... trying to swallow pills, food, and even water while struggling to endure the suddenly-strange, chemo-induced taste that they have.

Orchids to... I.V. Zofran and the near-instantaneous relief from nausea it brings! 

Comfy chair-bed 

Onions to... the hardness of fold-out "chair beds" used for family members to stay overnight in a patient's room (really nice to have, but not very comfortable).

Orchids to... the same chair bed with an egg-crate cushion added for comfort - what a difference that made (and thanks for the gift, Nancy)!

Onions to... the all-too-frequent alarms blaring from the IV-pump machine in our room ("Warning: Air in the line!").

Orchids to... the soft sound of a lullaby played over the hall loudspeaker every time a baby is born in this hospital -  a definite reason to smile!

Onions to… the strange, constant “buzzing and chirping” sounds coming from the pagers in the pockets of the RN’s as they tend to you.

Orchids to… finally coming to learn that those noises help the nurses be able to constantly monitor the heart rate & rhythm of their patients (including you!).

Kaiser "luggage carts"

Onions to… having to make several trips down to the car to lug everything needed for a week’s stay for two (clothes, bedding, computers, snacks, etc.) up to the hospital room.

Orchids to… discovering that one of the ever-present Kaiser hospital courtesy wheelchairs can also double as a great luggage cart! 

hand sanitizer dispenser

Onions to… the low blood counts that can sometimes come from chemotherapy (chemo attacks rapidly dividing cells, which is great when the cell is cancer--but not so great when it is your blood cells), and the resulting need to wear masks when that happens.

Orchids to… convenient hand sanitizer fixtures located inside & outside each room - with their magically-evaporating foamy hand wash; and for Neulasta, the shot they give you on the last day of treatment that helps bring your white cell count back up (and helps you fight infection).

And finally, an extra-large Orchid to... the doctors and nurses who have made sacrifices and dedicated their lives to helping us fight cancer. We are so thankful for their care and expertise. This is not an easy battle, and so we are really glad to have them fighting on our behalf.